Aloha, Cathy
by jenthetrulysly
Summary: She pulled into his life like one of the many ships that frequently pulled into the harbor after a long time adrift at sea. One look at her green eyes and delicate features and he was hooked for all time. At least he thought he was, anyhow.


_**Aloha, Cathy.**_

_AN - Thank you to all the readers for your wonderful PMs of support. It's great to be back c:_

* * *

It started on a blistery day, when Steve McGarrett was still an officer on active duty in the Navy. She pulled into his life like one of the many ships that frequently pulled into the harbor after a long time adrift at sea. One look at her green eyes and delicate features and he was hooked for all time.

At least he thought he was, anyhow.

Little did he know that Cathy was going to change his life forever, helping to shape him into the man he was going to become - someone incapable of understanding or accepting his feelings when it came to certain things, such as love. There was no doubt that she was going to show him love and a tenderness that he had never known before that left him craving for more as he took everything she had to offer greedily. She was going to being out the best in him.

But then again, she was going to bring out the worst in him as well. Cathy was going to show him the depths of despair, of hurt and anger – the ugly side of himself that was relentlessly crushed by his constant self control, a resolve as strong as iron.

He clambered down from where he was overhead, setting his face into a friendly mask as he called out to her, and asked her if she needed any help.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

"_You do understand what I will have to do, won't you?"_

"_No, and I never will…"_

-Cathy Wallace to Steve McGarrett

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

Steve McGarrett liked to think that he was a man who was in complete control of his emotions. He liked to equate his sense of control to an iron mask. It kept everything that he wanted out but it also trapped parts of him in, making him unreachable and aloof, colder than he needed to be. The mask helped to keep his emotions buried because there was no place for emotion in his line of work. As Head of Five-O he had learned quickly on the job that weakness was unwanted. It was a weapon capable of being used against. Emotions could be twisted and manipulated to turn even the gentlest of souls into horrific caricatures that mimicked people, but weren't quite.

His nerves were still jittery following that phone call in the dead of the night from Cathy, and he hated the way that it only took his name on her lips to turn him into a lovesick fool again. He thought that time and vast distances between them would have been enough to lessen the dull pain of having his heart crushed mercilessly between her vice like fingers.

A truth, a lie, it really didn't matter because at the end of it all he was still alone. The last thing he heard was that she had married some rich mainlander. A part of him was very thankful that she had found happiness and someone who could care for her properly and lavish her with love and affection, yet the other, darker part of him seethed with jealousy. It should have been _him_ by her side, stroking the soft tendrils of golden honey colored hair out of her face.

But who was he kidding?

Any semblance of a normal relationship was out of the question due to his job, which rendered any attempt at something serious impossible. He wouldn't be able to give her the care and affection she deserved, he would be out at sea, battling the waves as she stayed on dry land. They would be apart and nothing was able to make him ignore that hard fact, no matter how much he wanted to.

Love wasn't enough to conquer loneliness, no matter how much he wanted it to.

Even when they were dating and he was nothing but an officer in the Navy, their meetings had been brief and often the discussion had turned to boats, to McGarrett more than anything. If he was being honest they didn't really have much in common except for the intense, almost crushing attraction that they had shared. It had caused them to be pulled towards each other, losing control and seeking the comfort that only two lovers could give to one another.

They had each other and that was all that mattered. Despite all the misgivings and signs that this wasn't going to work, they gave into their passion anyway, which made things all the worse for Steve when he found out that it was all a lie.

He thought that he would never be able to forgive her but somehow, somewhere along the line, he did. Little did he know that as he pulled into the driveway of the exclusive beach side estate that the scabs were going to be ripped off long scabbed over wounds, and the iron mask would be ripped unwillingly off yet again, and he would bleed.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

"_You have enough to charge her and book her._"

"_No, Danno. Not yet._"

There was a pause.

"_Look Steve,_ _this is no ordinary case. Not for you. Why don't you let us handle it? Kono, Chin and me…for your own good._"

-Danny Williams to Steve McGarrett

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

It was a sign that he was wearing his heart on his sleeve when Danny could read between the lines like this. At that moment he abhorred the other man's keen observation skills and wished Dan would just go and leave him be. The more horrifying thing was that he had temporarily lost the ability to speak. He made a movement to open his jaw and tell the Second-In-Command to chase up some matter or other. Words, reprimands, they all danced mockingly out of reach and he hated himself for it.

The lead detective leveled his piercing cobalt blue gaze at the shorter man as he tried his hardest to communicate everything that he couldn't put into words, like how hard it was to see the woman that had become everything to him be framed for murder like this, how it was all unraveling again.

With just one flutter of those long luscious eyelashes and a soft whisper of that voice had him on his knees, as frightening emotions clawed their way into his consciousness, emotions he had long buried all those years ago. He had the perfect shield to protect his heart from the constant assaults to his sense of fairness but the dark haired man was completely unprepared for this kind of assault on his feelings, ones which he crushed through rage and sadness and that _ache_-

From where he was he could see Danny twitch. The younger detective looked as if he was about to reach out and grab Steve's shoulder but for some reason thought better of it and with a soft nod, he turned on his heels and walked out of the office.

Feeling like he could breathe a little easier, the lead detective walked around his desk to lean against the frame of the door that lead out onto the lanai, savoring the feel of the cool breeze. He needed to shut off that part of him that had been re-awakened with Cathy walked back into his life. He had to clamp down on the maelstrom of emotions running rampant, as he had almost broken down right then and there in front of Danny.

All he had left was his sense of control, and if that was gone…

What was left?

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

"_You ever get the feeling you were doing something you did before?"_

"_Yeah. Aloha, Cathy."_

-Cathy Wallace to Steve McGarrett

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

Steve fingered the silky material of her orange and white scarf, enjoying the way the smooth material was like fluid between his fingers. The sun was shining brightly overhead and it was looking to be another glorious day. It managed to make everything seem more cheerful, yet none of that cheer managed to permeate Steve's heart, which was still frozen in all those layers of ice.

For the moment he found that he was unable to meet Cathy's gaze and instead focused on the savoring the moment, where the world narrowed down until it was just them. He sighed and heard her soft, amused chuckle in response. Standing here like this together was more comforting than he would have thought possible. Despite himself, he couldn't help the grin that lit up his features, nor the sense of happiness and completion that came from being around the one you love.

However, it wasn't going to last forever, and the increasingly loud sounds of the aircraft engines were a constant reminder that this little tête-à-tête was about to end. Hawaii simply held too many bitter memories for Cathy and he understood how she had to get away from here, as far possible. Only then would she be able to have any peace or grieve properly for her deceased husband.

As such, it was very unlikely that she was ever going to come back.

There were still too many things he wanted to say to her; his heart felt like it was going to burst out of his chest with all the emotions simmering dangerously close to the surface. He wanted to tell her that no matter what she would still hold a special place in his heart. That she was still strikingly beautiful, a sight burned into his corneas, one that there was no escape from, even in sleep. He will never forget her, this…everything that they had gone through together, when it all started when she roared into his life in that red convertible, out on a windy day.

Just like this.

For the second time he watched with pained resignation as she took a step back and he knew that the time had come. He wished he had a lei to place around her neck, or at least something more meaningful to say to her. She had not offered a forwarding address and he did not want to sacrifice his pride in asking for one.

Steve finally found the strength to look up into her eyes and found that he wanted to kiss her fully and deeply, pouring everything that he wanted to say but couldn't, wanted to ask of her but wouldn't one last time. He wanted to seize her soft skin under his palms and pull her close, showing her everything that could never be put into words. Instead, he settled for raising a hand to cup her cheek gently as he resigned himself to his fate.

Their time had come to an end as her skin slipped through his fingers and she turned around to head towards the plane. He moved to grasp the metal railing of the gate as he watched her go. With each step further away his grip on the railing got tighter, until his knuckles were bright white.

The wind was whipping past his hair, cleansing his soul of the last vestiges of Cathy and for the first time since that phone call in the dead of the night he felt at ease. She was now a part of his past, no longer a part of the present. So long as his iron mask of control remained in place the future looked as dreary and lonely than ever but that was okay, because he didn't need love, he didn't need care. He was a resilient man who could stand on his own two feet and had managed to survive in one of the toughest, deadliest jobs on the island. He was going to go on living, like as if she had never come back into his life, as if his sense of control had never almost came crashing down around him.

He took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, feeling the coldness of the strong winds bite at his hands and face, cooling down the torrent of emotions that finally burst to the fore as the airplane began to speed up on the runway. The detective watched in silence as the roar of the engines drowned out the crushing sense of hope that had blossomed earlier as the plane rose higher in the morning sky.

"Aloha, Cathy," the dark haired man murmured, as he squinted into the bright morning sunshine.

Given enough time fresh scabs would form over the weeping wounds that had been reopened by her after all these years and just like that, the familiar weight of the iron mask with respect to his emotions was on again. Unfortunately it had not come down fast enough and a set of hot tears trickled down the sides of his face as he turned around and walked back to the Mercury, before starting the long and lonely drive back to the Palace. While the sedan coasted along the highway he turned on the radio, Steve found that the reports weren't enough to distract him from the roaring silence, the substantial void in his life now that she was gone.

**PAU**

* * *

_All feedback is appreciated. If there was something you loved, liked, hated, thought could have been better, please let me know._


End file.
